Comments on: Hanami Park http://www.voicesoa.net/hanami-park/ An Orions' Arm E-zine Thu, 21 Jul 2011 19:20:55 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.5 By: Michele Dutcher http://www.voicesoa.net/hanami-park/comment-page-1/#comment-33071 Michele Dutcher Fri, 20 Feb 2009 18:17:22 +0000 http://www.voicesoa.net/hanami-park/#comment-33071 This was a very enjoyable story - with just a tad of impending doom in the background. Nice rhythm to the words. Nice choice of background culture...just a toss of OA specific terms. Good story. Quibbles: "A group of children halfway...other with nervous__________ to be the first.... The story needs a word right there. Also, in the same paragraph:..."sentient life. As if...everyone fear..." This sentence really needs a "It was" put in front of the "as if" in this paragraph. Thanks, Michele This was a very enjoyable story – with just a tad of impending doom in the background. Nice rhythm to the words. Nice choice of background culture…just a toss of OA specific terms. Good story.

Quibbles:
“A group of children halfway…other with nervous__________ to be the first…. The story needs a word right there.
Also, in the same paragraph:…”sentient life. As if…everyone fear…” This sentence really needs a “It was” put in front of the “as if” in this paragraph.
Thanks, Michele

]]> By: Voices/Future Tense » Issue Eight : March 2008/38 AT http://www.voicesoa.net/hanami-park/comment-page-1/#comment-32197 Voices/Future Tense » Issue Eight : March 2008/38 AT Sun, 09 Mar 2008 04:59:00 +0000 http://www.voicesoa.net/hanami-park/#comment-32197 [...] Short Story: Hanami Park — M.K. Capriola [...] [...] Short Story: Hanami Park — M.K. Capriola [...]

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